Best Friend Love
Yes, I have a male best friend. Yes, it's a platonic relationship.
And, no, he's not gay.
Surprising, in this day and age, that:
1. We can have a guy/girl relationship and he's not gay.
2. We can have a guy/girl relationship and we're not sleeping with one another.
As we get older, my BMF (Best Male Friend) and I have examined our relationship, analyzed it...maybe even wondered (at least, I know he has) 'Why the hell do I put up with this person?'
He coined this: Best Friend Love.
And it was about the sweetest thing I've ever heard. In fact, it (he) made me cry (really not a hard thing to do, however).
I think too often we exist with one another, going about our relationships, and never (or hardly ever) expressing our respect and love for the special people in our lives. How often do we say thank you to that friend you've called just this past month a hundred times, regarding your partner woes/can't find true love dramas/pet died?
Or that special friend who, on your first week back at college, your rent due, no food in your cupboard, sends you money? Or that friend who lies to major corporations about her identity, assuming to be you, to pay your overdue phone bill?
Yes, I'm fortunate enough to have two lovely ladies in my life who have done this for me...and, of course, there's my sister, who has helped me too often to count.
But this is about my BMF. Let's get back to him.
I wonder what it is that keeps BMF and I, well, still friends.
We've known each other almost ten years, having first met when we were young and stupid (he's still stupid) in college.
He graduated, I didn't.
I went on to the working world, he completed another degree.
I went back to studying, and he began travelling.
I got married, and he stayed overseas, working.
He's good with money, and I like to think I would be if I had any money.
I read, he tries to (he may be illiterate, I'm not sure...it is taking him an awfully long time to read my novel).
And that's another thing: he reads my writing, supports my decisions, cheers me up when I'm down.
Also keeps my ego in check, in all the weird and wonderful ways he does (for example, I say 'that guy was flirting with me,' he retorts, 'he was gay, sweetie.').
He's direct and blunt and honest...and I begin to cry if you look at me the wrong way.
And yet, somehow this works. I help him remember the fairies, and he slaps them away when I'm immersing myself in them too much.
But it's not all lovely, soap-opera, idealized friendship between us. We fight. In fact, we've had some whoppers over the years (he has to take some responsibility for the New Year's Eve chicken throwing incident), but we're still here, still friends, and perhaps even stronger than ever.
You would think my getting married and having a child, and his moving to Korea and starting a completely different life would threaten our bond. Not at all. It has only made it stronger.
We fulfill something in each other's lives like no other friendship can. Perhaps I need his brutal honesty, for I exist too much in my own little fairy world at times (all the time)...and my husband is too scared to be the one to be brutal and honest with me!
And maybe, because of BMF's brutal honesty, intellectual thinking, and rational living (most of the time, despite the adventure he is currently living), he needs a reminder of the world through the rose-coloured glasses I wear.
And, well, we both like drinking tequila.
Ultimately, we appreciate, respect and admire one another. That's what it comes down to.
Best Friend Love. It's very sweet.
And, no, he's not gay.
Surprising, in this day and age, that:
1. We can have a guy/girl relationship and he's not gay.
2. We can have a guy/girl relationship and we're not sleeping with one another.
As we get older, my BMF (Best Male Friend) and I have examined our relationship, analyzed it...maybe even wondered (at least, I know he has) 'Why the hell do I put up with this person?'
He coined this: Best Friend Love.
And it was about the sweetest thing I've ever heard. In fact, it (he) made me cry (really not a hard thing to do, however).
I think too often we exist with one another, going about our relationships, and never (or hardly ever) expressing our respect and love for the special people in our lives. How often do we say thank you to that friend you've called just this past month a hundred times, regarding your partner woes/can't find true love dramas/pet died?
Or that special friend who, on your first week back at college, your rent due, no food in your cupboard, sends you money? Or that friend who lies to major corporations about her identity, assuming to be you, to pay your overdue phone bill?
Yes, I'm fortunate enough to have two lovely ladies in my life who have done this for me...and, of course, there's my sister, who has helped me too often to count.
But this is about my BMF. Let's get back to him.
I wonder what it is that keeps BMF and I, well, still friends.
We've known each other almost ten years, having first met when we were young and stupid (he's still stupid) in college.
He graduated, I didn't.
I went back to studying, and he began travelling.
I got married, and he stayed overseas, working.
He's good with money, and I like to think I would be if I had any money.
I read, he tries to (he may be illiterate, I'm not sure...it is taking him an awfully long time to read my novel).
And that's another thing: he reads my writing, supports my decisions, cheers me up when I'm down.
Also keeps my ego in check, in all the weird and wonderful ways he does (for example, I say 'that guy was flirting with me,' he retorts, 'he was gay, sweetie.').
He's direct and blunt and honest...and I begin to cry if you look at me the wrong way.
And yet, somehow this works. I help him remember the fairies, and he slaps them away when I'm immersing myself in them too much.
But it's not all lovely, soap-opera, idealized friendship between us. We fight. In fact, we've had some whoppers over the years (he has to take some responsibility for the New Year's Eve chicken throwing incident), but we're still here, still friends, and perhaps even stronger than ever.
You would think my getting married and having a child, and his moving to Korea and starting a completely different life would threaten our bond. Not at all. It has only made it stronger.
We fulfill something in each other's lives like no other friendship can. Perhaps I need his brutal honesty, for I exist too much in my own little fairy world at times (all the time)...and my husband is too scared to be the one to be brutal and honest with me!
And maybe, because of BMF's brutal honesty, intellectual thinking, and rational living (most of the time, despite the adventure he is currently living), he needs a reminder of the world through the rose-coloured glasses I wear.
And, well, we both like drinking tequila.
Ultimately, we appreciate, respect and admire one another. That's what it comes down to.
Best Friend Love. It's very sweet.
(in a friend type of way)
I
Motherhood
Happy Korean holidays!
xoox
'Best Friend Love'. What a great way to describe it! I have a BMF too, and i totally relate to what u wrote, except that I'm the one that wonders why I put up with him! HAHA. =)
Motherhood
To Reyna,
Thanks for reading! Glad there's more guy/girl friendships out there!
K.L.
Always Eighteen
She lives in Perth, and I live in Brisbane. We don't always talk, we don't always drink. But the friendship is still there.
Motherhood
To Always Eighteen,
Yes, sometimes the long distance relationships actually do work! Friendwise, anyway.
It's nice to have these solid relationships in our otherwise crazy lives!
K.L.