I Hold A Cheque For $65,000...Made Out To K.L. Almeroth...
...for first advance on first book sold.
I wrote it out to myself,
(Ha! Psyched you all out!! Y'all thought it was real!!)
and dated it 'End of 2006.'
Well, 2006 is closing in (and fast), and I still don't have that damn cheque. The real one, I mean.
I know, you are all currently thinking I'm dreaming...
(Sixty-five big ones? That bitch can't even write! What the hell is she on about? Sixty-five big ones...my great big black butt!
Yes, Inner Critic (aka The Bitch) has suddenly turned into a black African-American woman...with a rather large backside)
You're all thinking 'K.L. aims way too high...why doesn't she just aim for the bushes, instead of the trees?'
(No, this is not some camping toilet story)
(Sixty-five thousand? Little lady, if all first time authors made that amount of money, the whole world would be writers! Instead of ranch farmers in the middle of old Texas...a stetson on my head, and a cold beer in my hand...I'd be in my house, writing a good yarn!
Yes, Inner Critic is now some handsome Texan)
(There I go with the Texan thing...it's just a phase I'm going through, I'll reassure you now)
Why does she continually have such high hopes and strive for the impossible, I hear you all ask...
(She suffers from illusions of grandeur, has extreme materialistic desires - because of her poor past, you see - is fatally optimistic, to the point of, er, well, fatalness...
Inner Critic says this to me much like a pompous English psychiatrist, as if I'm not really there at all...)
Why can't she just strive for normal things? Like aspiring to pick the kids up at 3?
(Shit, if my daughter was in school, I'd be in a lot of trouble right now)
Why can't she just be happy with her lot in life? Why does she always want more?
(Love, can you put another beer in the freezer for me? 'The Footy Show's' about to start...and, for the love of XXXX, stop yapping about ya damn writing! I don't want to hear it! And do something about this child of yours, would ya? She's standing in front of the TV!
Suddenly this voice in my head is a typical Aussie male...)
And no, this is not my husband. My husband would get some lovely divorce papers (stapled to his head!) if he ever acted like this towards me...
Divorce. I repeat, divorce.
Anyway, short of starting some kind of racial war on Orble now, or instigating divorce cases everywhere
(Women are suddenly going, 'Hey! That's my husband she's talking about! Don't tell me that bastard's cheating on me! He's not getting his cold XXXX tonight!)
.
..my point was...
I've forgotten (too many voices in my head, you see. They're all competing for space).
But 2006 is closing in, and the only $65,000 cheque I'm holding is the one I wrote myself (delusions of grandeur, remember?).
Oh, well. There's always next year.
I'll just change the date to 2007...
And while I'm at it, I may as well up the dollar value...
For the non-Queenslanders reading this, XXXX is our local beer...not something kinky
I wrote it out to myself,
(Ha! Psyched you all out!! Y'all thought it was real!!)
and dated it 'End of 2006.'
Well, 2006 is closing in (and fast), and I still don't have that damn cheque. The real one, I mean.
I know, you are all currently thinking I'm dreaming...
(Sixty-five big ones? That bitch can't even write! What the hell is she on about? Sixty-five big ones...my great big black butt!
Yes, Inner Critic (aka The Bitch) has suddenly turned into a black African-American woman...with a rather large backside)
You're all thinking 'K.L. aims way too high...why doesn't she just aim for the bushes, instead of the trees?'
(No, this is not some camping toilet story)
(Sixty-five thousand? Little lady, if all first time authors made that amount of money, the whole world would be writers! Instead of ranch farmers in the middle of old Texas...a stetson on my head, and a cold beer in my hand...I'd be in my house, writing a good yarn!
Yes, Inner Critic is now some handsome Texan)
(There I go with the Texan thing...it's just a phase I'm going through, I'll reassure you now)
Why does she continually have such high hopes and strive for the impossible, I hear you all ask...
(She suffers from illusions of grandeur, has extreme materialistic desires - because of her poor past, you see - is fatally optimistic, to the point of, er, well, fatalness...
Inner Critic says this to me much like a pompous English psychiatrist, as if I'm not really there at all...)
Why can't she just strive for normal things? Like aspiring to pick the kids up at 3?
(Shit, if my daughter was in school, I'd be in a lot of trouble right now)
Why can't she just be happy with her lot in life? Why does she always want more?
(Love, can you put another beer in the freezer for me? 'The Footy Show's' about to start...and, for the love of XXXX, stop yapping about ya damn writing! I don't want to hear it! And do something about this child of yours, would ya? She's standing in front of the TV!
Suddenly this voice in my head is a typical Aussie male...)
And no, this is not my husband. My husband would get some lovely divorce papers (stapled to his head!) if he ever acted like this towards me...
Divorce. I repeat, divorce.
Anyway, short of starting some kind of racial war on Orble now, or instigating divorce cases everywhere
(Women are suddenly going, 'Hey! That's my husband she's talking about! Don't tell me that bastard's cheating on me! He's not getting his cold XXXX tonight!)
.
..my point was...
I've forgotten (too many voices in my head, you see. They're all competing for space).
But 2006 is closing in, and the only $65,000 cheque I'm holding is the one I wrote myself (delusions of grandeur, remember?).
Oh, well. There's always next year.
I'll just change the date to 2007...
And while I'm at it, I may as well up the dollar value...
For the non-Queenslanders reading this, XXXX is our local beer...not something kinky
Damn it.
Motherhood
You've forgotten your Aussie roots, man!
xoox
K.L.
V8 Supercar Pitstop
K.L. you be slackin', girl.
Don't mention camping toilet stories ... I got a few good ones of those. Did I ever tell you about the time ...
A. xx
Rugby World Cup 2007
Hiya Fed! Hiya Cara!
Damn. I'm so perky.
Cherry...I'll write you a cheque for a million dollars now. There may be some problems cashing it but oh well...
Dusk
Motherhood
Ah...
Camping stories...toilet stories...vomit stories...
And a cheque for a million dollars...
You girls really know what gets me going, alright!
xooxox
K.L.
P.S. I really can feel a XXXX coming on...
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Could I have one too please, it would be very handy, congrats on your bright idea, wouldn't we all be GREEN, that would please Lilla
katyzzz
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Lilla...
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Learning Something Everyday
Malaysia Found
hahaha... you really caught us, my girl!
Well, never give up hope is what we all need now, and hopefully, soon, we all will have that $65,000 cheque with us. LOL...
XXXX - I haven't had those for ages. LOL...
Motherhood
Girls,
It warms my heart that you all thought it was possible!!! That I could be holding a $65,000 cheque!
Warms my heart!
A Merry Pink Christmas to you all!!
Love,
K.L.
P.S. The $65,000 came about because I had a dream...I dreamt a publishing house handed that over to me...was such a lovely dream....
Motherhood
Jessicca,
Unfortunately, I have had one recently...
(The XXXX, not the cheque)
K.L.
xoxo
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
It might be wise to take the dream seriously and look for clues [opportunities] in your daily life...?
Motherhood
To Lilla,
Yes, I now search under rocks and in my daughter's cupboard for that $65,000 cheque...
No, seriously...
(Seriously, I do do this)
Betrayal is out there in the big wide (bad) world...something has to happen sooner or later (probably later)!
Still working on it...and my million other partials (love that word...partials. Makes me feel like a real writer).
K.L.
xoox
Gifted Parenting
Freelance For Life
Motherhood
Hi Hope!
Yes, I'm a believer, alright.
Eternally full of hope! (Funny enough! Are you like that, with your lovely name??)
Gets me in trouble more often or not...but it's worth it.
Merry Christmas Hope!
K.L.
Genghis Gal
I believed it completely when I read your tag... You know I have complete faith in your writing. Still waiting on that shooter...
2007: The year of the pink gals.
Motherhood
Hi K.C.,
Oh, you know how to brighten my day, don't you???
(There should be more people in this world like you...a pink life brightener)
Can't wait to fill you in on the shooter in Betrayal...you'll love it (I hope).
Cheers to our year!
K.L.
xooxo