K.L. Almeroth's Guide To Decapitating That Writer's Block
December 6th 2006 08:00
This miracle cure to the dreaded Writer's Block isn't available in the stores.
You can't buy it on eBay.
You can't borrow it from your neighbour's.
You can't ask Santa for it for Christmas.
The secret formula to murdering that evil Writer's Block, and dragging him (yes, him. Obviously Writer's Block wouldn't be a woman. The kind, nuturing female in writing is The Muse) across your kitchen floor, down the back steps, and burying him in the backyard is this:
Love your work, and ignore your Inner Critic (cause your Inner Critic knows diddly squat).
Now, now. No need for applause. You can send me all the pink champagne and pink roses you want, but please...
No applause.
I am modest, after all.
Seriously, I believe this may be the key to getting that son-of-a-bitch out of your life. And for good.
Obviously, I love my work, in particular my Kit series (you're all groaning now, I know. 'How often can she bring up Kit, for crying out loud? She markets that damn novel like it's Coca-cola or something.')
There's no doubt I have a fabulous love affair with my characters in my series - especially Kit and Corky.
But it's my damn Inner Critic (if Writer's Block is an SOB, then Inner Critic is The Bitch) that halts me mid-writing-prose.
'This is trite,' she says loudly. 'Such trite.'
'Are you serious with this sentence? This paragraph? Whole chapter? Entire book? Lady, you need help. H. E. L. P. What does that spell? Help!'
'You'll never get that pink mansion in Astoria with this drivel.'
'Alright! There goes your daughter's education! You'll be lucky to make 5c off this...Oh,wait, it's Orble you make 5c off.'
'Who is going to want to read this? Honestly? Have another drink of pink
champagne...You need it, lady!'
(Notice how Inner Critic calls me lady a lot? In that patronizing manner? It really is rather annoying)
Okay, save for the encouragement of consuming (more) pink champagne, Inner Critic really halts me in my tracks.
But now I can answer her back (and she needs a talking to!).
Now I can honestly say, in response to her screaming in my ear, 'Who is going to want to read this?'
...My sister. A.H. Dusk Devi. KylieW.
(Now shut up, fetch me another glass of champers, and be gone!...my Inner Critic, not my Fan Club)
And suddenly, in a pluff of green smoke (she is kind of witchy, after all), Inner Critic is gone.
Suddenly I'm back to loving my work. Suddenly I'm writing again.
In summary, you need to silence The Bitch in order to kill the SOB.
You can't buy it on eBay.
You can't borrow it from your neighbour's.
You can't ask Santa for it for Christmas.
The secret formula to murdering that evil Writer's Block, and dragging him (yes, him. Obviously Writer's Block wouldn't be a woman. The kind, nuturing female in writing is The Muse) across your kitchen floor, down the back steps, and burying him in the backyard is this:
Love your work, and ignore your Inner Critic (cause your Inner Critic knows diddly squat).
Now, now. No need for applause. You can send me all the pink champagne and pink roses you want, but please...
No applause.
I am modest, after all.
Seriously, I believe this may be the key to getting that son-of-a-bitch out of your life. And for good.
Obviously, I love my work, in particular my Kit series (you're all groaning now, I know. 'How often can she bring up Kit, for crying out loud? She markets that damn novel like it's Coca-cola or something.')
There's no doubt I have a fabulous love affair with my characters in my series - especially Kit and Corky.
But it's my damn Inner Critic (if Writer's Block is an SOB, then Inner Critic is The Bitch) that halts me mid-writing-prose.
'This is trite,' she says loudly. 'Such trite.'
'Are you serious with this sentence? This paragraph? Whole chapter? Entire book? Lady, you need help. H. E. L. P. What does that spell? Help!'
'You'll never get that pink mansion in Astoria with this drivel.'
'Alright! There goes your daughter's education! You'll be lucky to make 5c off this...Oh,wait, it's Orble you make 5c off.'
champagne...You need it, lady!'
(Notice how Inner Critic calls me lady a lot? In that patronizing manner? It really is rather annoying)
Okay, save for the encouragement of consuming (more) pink champagne, Inner Critic really halts me in my tracks.
But now I can answer her back (and she needs a talking to!).
Now I can honestly say, in response to her screaming in my ear, 'Who is going to want to read this?'
...My sister. A.H. Dusk Devi. KylieW.
(Now shut up, fetch me another glass of champers, and be gone!...my Inner Critic, not my Fan Club)
And suddenly, in a pluff of green smoke (she is kind of witchy, after all), Inner Critic is gone.
Suddenly I'm back to loving my work. Suddenly I'm writing again.
In summary, you need to silence The Bitch in order to kill the SOB.
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Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
(cue theme music)
"Hoochie mamas....."
....we're (well I am and Caramella will be along soon enough) here my Cherry Angel...
Let us unite and banish the B.I.T.C.H. (Bloody Inner Tiring Critic from Hell) forever (echo, echo, echo...)
We applaud you.
We applaud you for breathing.
We applaud you for Kit and Corky and Karindiana Jones (wa-tish) and Corkula and for being Karina.
(and for Cherry)
You fabulous being you.
You have got it goin' on foxy mama!
(sorry...am having a seventies moment...actually, it may not be a moment...)
Oh sigh....because of this...I'm still stuck in ICU...
Dusk
Comment by Federline
I totally get what your saying. I mean like, ya'know?
Like I totally get blocked after I eat friend chicken. I'm like waiting, like, for something to happen, like.
Ya'know
Totally RAD!
PS: The secret about Kit is she's a lesbo. (not that there's anything wrong with that)'
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Damn, you're a hard assed woman!
Actually, I didn't mean that in a derogatory way, it was supposed to be a compliment ... did it sound like a compliment? I'm not sure because I know what I meant by it so every time I read it it sounds like a compliment to my inner ears but I sort of thought that it might not sound like a compliment to another's inner ears. So if it doesn't sound terribly complimentary then I apologise but just bear in mind that it is a compliment and I am very, very, very tired.
What ... you hadn't noticed? No, I don't suppose you had. I suppose you've been confused totally by all the crap I seem to be spouting tonight.
What was I talking about?
Oh yes ...
The Charmed ones will banish the B.I.T.C.H anytime she tries to get her fangs into the Angels.
Love the imagary you conjure up with this post, Cherry A.
Get down, you B.I.T.C.H., get down.
Oh, sorry, my sweet and fruity Sister Angel, I don't mean you.
Oh, hello Dusk, by the way ...
I really need an early night ...
A.H.
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To Gold Angel,
Ah, it's truly heartwarming to see my gals (including Federline....maybe we can make him Bitchy Angel??) be the first to visit my new post.
Love your working out of what B.I.T.C.H. stands for (other than Federline)!! Hilarious!
(I'm sorry, all this hilarity of late has made me tired, too - like A.H. Need a glass of pink champers to perk me up!!!)
I'll think of something else witty to say in a moment.
Your Cherry Angel,
K.L.
xoox
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To Federline,
Thanks for visiting!!!
Always a pleasure to read your drivel...
K.L.
P.S. How can Kit possibly be a lesbian with Corky around? Hello!
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
Caramel Angel,
You calling me 'hard-assed' does funny things to me...makes me all goosebumpy....
'Get down, you B.I.T.C.H., get down!'
That sure brought the hilarity back!
And I was kind of hoping you were refering to me...not Inner Critic, The Bitch.
Cherry Angel,
K.L.
xoxo
Comment by Federline
Me or your husband?
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To Federline,
You're both dreaming.
K.L.
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I'm pleased you've kicked that BITCH's ass....and that we could help in any small way!
I can see where Kit's feistiness comes from!
KylieW
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To KylieW,
Your face (or Orble face), and sweet words, are always welcome around here!!
Especially the feistiness bit...love it!
K.L.
Comment by Bulamakanka
There is no such thing as writers block.
George
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To George,
Only an editor would say something like that!!!
K.L.
Comment by Bulamakanka
It does not exist, there is no such thing, not even in the dark under my bed (besides the bogy man would never share his space with something as creepy as writers block)
Never fear writers block, it feeds on fear. It can't exist without fear. Don't feed it and it disappears.
And thanks for the inspiration
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
George, are you trying to tell me that all I've needed all this time is a monster under my bed to scare that dreaded writer's block away?
Bugger! I'm going to go and drag my son's monster out right now and put him under my bed instead.
Then again ... will a ghost in the house do the same job?
K.L. ... feisty? You? Never ...
A.H.
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To George,
You are obviously made of much tougher stuff than me....(or A.H...but, shhh, she's pregnant. Don't tell anyone)...
As usual, you are an inspiration for us all, my dear George.
K.L.