To Fall Off The Writing Bicycle
"Your soup is ready, madam."
"My soup? I didn't order a soup. I ordered a cup of bloody tea."
So is this a hook? Does this entice you to want to read the beginning of a book?
I don't know anymore.
This is one Romantic Writer that is feeling the hurts and confusions of the writing world right about now.
The aches and pains, the bumps and bruises, are scraped raw and bleeding. It's almost like I've fallen off the writing bicycle, and I can't get back on. And if I do get on the damn bike, I don't know how to ride it anymore.
Considering I used to know how to ride an actual bicycle, then fell off and broke my wrist, and now cannot for the life of me learn to ride a bike again, this is pretty scary.
More than scary, it hurts.
I've had some wonderful people, complete strangers and new-found friends, give me some invaluable advice on my writing, in particular, my completed novel (I have two completes, and a million other partials).
Their advice has been priceless, and thorough, and completely right, and has opened my eyes to my mistakes, and how I can improve...
And, to be honest, I guess it has created a bump in my ride, and thrown me from my bicycle.
And I've hit the ground, face first, and in a mess.
I don't know why, when the advice I've received has been completely valid - I can even see what they mean. I know what I've done wrong, and what perhaps (or definately) needs fixing...
So why does it hurt so bad? Why am I lying on that bitumen, allowing myself to bleed?
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being dramatic (those that truly know me would agree, whole-heartedly, to this). Maybe I'm just wallowing, and I'll pick myself up soon.
But I am definately going through the stage where I wonder, after 3 long years on Betrayal, and even longer when you add up all the bits and pieces of partials, whether I can get back on that bike again. Whether this writing bicycle is really going to take me to that future I'd always envisioned...
Or whether I'm just pedaling madly, and yet going nowhere.
I'm saddened, almost to the point of a true, deep depression, at the notion of going 'I tried, and I failed. I am not cut out to be a writer.' Completely and utterly destroyed by that notion, that future.
And then, a tiny bit relieved. Oh, to have my life back! To not be stuck in this crazy, creative, mental world, where everything revolves around my characters, and what happens next. Everything is consumed by my story, by mail-outs, by rewriting (and, God, I hate rewriting!). Late nights, every night. Constantly pushing myself to write, write, write. Not a moment of peace, not a spare moment to myself, because those 'spare' moments are taken up by writing.
And then there's the question: Why am I writing? Who for? What for? Because I've got some stories in my head? Because of all the success I'm striving for, and this is the only talent I have?
Which leads me to my talent being questioned. Nobody has actually questioned it (I don't think, anyway), except myself. I'm questioning my talent. Am I really cut out for this? Do I have the raw talent to keep going? To be a writer?
I used to think yes. An unequivocal yes. Now...I'm not so sure.
The hurts of falling off the bike are making me question my talent, my ability. Making me wonder whether I've just wasted three long years of my life. Whether I want to risk getting up, and pedaling for another three years (or, God forbid, longer).
I don't know the answers. I guess, once I Dettol these scrapes and bruises and pick myself back up, I'll jump back on that writing bike. And see what happens, where the journey takes me.
For now, I'm going to lie on the bitumen, bleeding, and watch 'Grey's Anatomy.'
This Romantic Writer still needs her romance fix somehow.
If someone could just pass the Dettol...
Oh, and the pink champagne.
"My soup? I didn't order a soup. I ordered a cup of bloody tea."
So is this a hook? Does this entice you to want to read the beginning of a book?
I don't know anymore.
This is one Romantic Writer that is feeling the hurts and confusions of the writing world right about now.
The aches and pains, the bumps and bruises, are scraped raw and bleeding. It's almost like I've fallen off the writing bicycle, and I can't get back on. And if I do get on the damn bike, I don't know how to ride it anymore.
Considering I used to know how to ride an actual bicycle, then fell off and broke my wrist, and now cannot for the life of me learn to ride a bike again, this is pretty scary.
More than scary, it hurts.
I've had some wonderful people, complete strangers and new-found friends, give me some invaluable advice on my writing, in particular, my completed novel (I have two completes, and a million other partials).
Their advice has been priceless, and thorough, and completely right, and has opened my eyes to my mistakes, and how I can improve...
And, to be honest, I guess it has created a bump in my ride, and thrown me from my bicycle.
And I've hit the ground, face first, and in a mess.
I don't know why, when the advice I've received has been completely valid - I can even see what they mean. I know what I've done wrong, and what perhaps (or definately) needs fixing...
So why does it hurt so bad? Why am I lying on that bitumen, allowing myself to bleed?
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being dramatic (those that truly know me would agree, whole-heartedly, to this). Maybe I'm just wallowing, and I'll pick myself up soon.
But I am definately going through the stage where I wonder, after 3 long years on Betrayal, and even longer when you add up all the bits and pieces of partials, whether I can get back on that bike again. Whether this writing bicycle is really going to take me to that future I'd always envisioned...
Or whether I'm just pedaling madly, and yet going nowhere.
I'm saddened, almost to the point of a true, deep depression, at the notion of going 'I tried, and I failed. I am not cut out to be a writer.' Completely and utterly destroyed by that notion, that future.
And then, a tiny bit relieved. Oh, to have my life back! To not be stuck in this crazy, creative, mental world, where everything revolves around my characters, and what happens next. Everything is consumed by my story, by mail-outs, by rewriting (and, God, I hate rewriting!). Late nights, every night. Constantly pushing myself to write, write, write. Not a moment of peace, not a spare moment to myself, because those 'spare' moments are taken up by writing.
And then there's the question: Why am I writing? Who for? What for? Because I've got some stories in my head? Because of all the success I'm striving for, and this is the only talent I have?
Which leads me to my talent being questioned. Nobody has actually questioned it (I don't think, anyway), except myself. I'm questioning my talent. Am I really cut out for this? Do I have the raw talent to keep going? To be a writer?
I used to think yes. An unequivocal yes. Now...I'm not so sure.
The hurts of falling off the bike are making me question my talent, my ability. Making me wonder whether I've just wasted three long years of my life. Whether I want to risk getting up, and pedaling for another three years (or, God forbid, longer).
I don't know the answers. I guess, once I Dettol these scrapes and bruises and pick myself back up, I'll jump back on that writing bike. And see what happens, where the journey takes me.
For now, I'm going to lie on the bitumen, bleeding, and watch 'Grey's Anatomy.'
This Romantic Writer still needs her romance fix somehow.
If someone could just pass the Dettol...
Oh, and the pink champagne.
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Motherhood
Hi Ahmed,
Thank you for your words...they were very deep.
I think I may be one of those people that forgets, however.
K.L.
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Motherhood
To Ahmed,
True, very true...I can relate.
Except for the toilet door part.
K.L.
Flashes of memories
You will never forget how to ride the writing bike! You are cursed with the all consuming need to write. And sometimes that`s all it is, the need to do it.
Check out Voices in my Head website particularly the post:
http://www.orble.com/the-inevitable-place-i-come-to-as-a/
You will see you are not alone!
Don`t give up, keep perservering, it will pay off.
Ash
V8 Supercar Pitstop
I don't know how many times I've fallen off that bloody bike. Finally I decided to throw the bike in the bin and jump on the nearest writing horse instead. Sometimes a change of perspective can really help (and horses go much faster than bikes).
Time taken to do something you love is never time wasted. After all, you didn't just give up everything to become a writer, you put your other life on hold to have a beautiful little girl and follow a dream. It doesn't get any better than that.
I had yet another rejection letter yesterday. I'm using that to make me stronger and even more determined to succeed. Never forget that luxury unit on the beach in Surfers! And the pink champagne, of course.
I take my character, Kate, and her problems everywhere I go and over time she's become my best friend. I always hold in my mind the thought that, one day, she will become the friend of thousands, if not millions of others. Once her story is finished and a publisher sees her worth.
One day.
For now, as long as you keep loving writing, just keep trying.
A.H.
Motherhood
A.H.
I love what you said...thank you so much. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
And that's very true...I've had my baby girl, and she's enabled me to be home and doing what I truly wanted to do in life - raise a family, and write. I can't forget that cause I'm going through the sulks.
And, yes, that Surfers apartment won't be had until I get some cash!
Gotta get back on that bike,
K.L.
Motherhood
Ash,
Thank you for your support. I'm needing it right now!
Thank you...I will check out Voices site..
K.L.
The Voices in my Head
I love the image the title of this post creates...and who among us has not been where you are.
Figure up how long it took you to write this post. This is valuable mental energy being exerted on how you are defeated and honestly, it is too greedy a thing, defeat, to be fed properly...it will just ask for more and more.
Instead, all of those lovely people who have given you this valuable advice,-( that you agree with)- btw, didn't say them to hear the sound of their voice. They believe you have the capability to do this thing that means so much to you. Do not kid yourself into thinking that they would have wasted the time on a lost cause. We do not live in that nice a society. *smile*
I am in the process of writing my first novel. Did you catch that? FIRST. How fortunate you are to have so many finished. Yes, they need work, according to your post. Now, instead of taking one more moment to write another new page, go back to the first novel, rewrite the first chapter. Accomplish the dreams you have for yourself and celebrate each subsequent rewritten chapter with a glass of that lovely pink champagne!
I do wish you the best on your journey.
Voices~
To Voices,
I appreciate all that you've said...thank you so much.
You've helped put it all into perspective for me.
Thank you.
K.L.
P.S. Good luck with your novel!
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I walk before you on this road and this comes to you from the wall of the mental clinic which I attended for similar type writing/post natal channels that I found myself unable to circumnavigate for some years - until I saw this - and I pass it on to you today in the hope that it also ... sinks in, somehow.
PERSISTENCE
Nothing in the world will take the place of persistance.
Talent will not : Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not : unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education Alone will not : The world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistance and determination alone are omnipotent.
PRESS ON
My professor said you have to put a little into the pipeline each day for months sometimes, before things start to come out the other end. He then apologiesd for the analogy too.
REMEMBER,
Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration
You sound like you need a weekend away somewhere beachy...
Lilla...
The Written Word
History Lass
PS. Is it just me, or is the font and colour on this page really difficult to read?
V8 Supercar Pitstop
K.L., From what you've said in past posts, I believe you do have a good handle on your main character, it's all about making us believe in her now. Good luck.
A.H.
K.L., I think you need a break, yes you've read well, a break. It seems to me as you see writing as a burden (maybe it's just now when frustration has reached a high point) and as long as this label doesn't change, you'll be miserable. You are pushing yourself too hard, denying even the little time you have for yourself, because you have to write, have to, not need to or want to but have to.
I started writing a year ago, then I stopped. It seemed like I had nothing else to write about, it didn't seem to be worth it. But in the back of my mind I knew (and hoped) that I would start again, and I did. There are days when I don't write anything because I just don't feel like it, but when an idea comes into my head I write and most of the times it's a pleasure. When it starts changing into something else, I stop, take a break, read, exercise, let the ideas come to me instead of running after them.
I don't know if I'm being coherent here but reading your post I just felt like writing all of this to you, so I did.
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Motherhood
To Lilla,
Thank you so much for this...its inspirational! Love it! (What does that say about my mental state?)
Yes, I need another weekend away (had one recently!)...oh, well, my husband has some time off at Christmas....it's not too far away!
Thanks for your support, I truly appreciate it,
K.L.
Motherhood
A.H.
You're the best!
K.L.
Motherhood
To everybody,
The colours aren't changing!!!!!
K.L.
Motherhood
To Pilgrim,
I can see what you're saying...thank you for taking the time, and sharing it with me.
Yes, I might take a couple of nights off, watch some cheesy romantic dvd's, read some books (other than my own), and see if I'm more rested then...
I'm just going through the emotions of being a writer at the moment...it'll pass, I'm sure. I'm feeling better already!
My quest in life is to have my books bestsellers...I'm a dream chaser, I've always set out to do exactly what I've wanted and done it...absolutely everything. This is the only thing that hasn't (yet) come true for me.
Oh, that and money!
So, no, I don't think I'll be giving up. I just felt like lying on the ground for awhile.
Thanks for reading!
K.L.
Motherhood
To Ahmed,
You've hit the spot there! I need to do a complete rewrite of Betrayal...
You are so right...this is what writer's do, too!
K.L.
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
After reading Homer's blogs, [who doesn't], it seems you need a real confidence boost.
Don't be impatient, you've years ahead of you. You're doing well, it's just that you're not doing as well as you'd like to, just ask Homer all about that.
Cheer up and enjoy life, misery will follow you, there's no need to invite it.
Throw off the shackles of discontent and count your blessings instead.
You'r wasting so much energy feeling bad, that energy is better invested elsewhere.
Here endeth the first lesson.
And, I am on your side.
katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Oh, and another thing, don't mix your drinks, champagne and dettol, oh, no, they just don't go!
katyzzz
Motherhood
Katyzzz,
Appreciate everything you've said...
Yes, just going through a slump. Sometimes you begin to query why you're doing this insane thing called writing...
I feel much better now. I can't give up.
Thanks for your kind words,
K.L.
P.S. That Dettol sure gives pink champagne some added bite!